"Teenagers are not small adults, they are large children."

From the New Yorker: Parent says to teenage child: "It's you who don't understand me -- I've been fifteen, but you have never been forty-eight."

Since my kids were born I've started reading children's psychology books. I've read about behavior of babies, toddlers, kids, and now teens. Most of the books came recommended and were very good. None however prepared you for all the eventualities of life.
I've read so much about teens, I thought I was ready, but when this crazy age arrived, it was still scary and confusing. My easy to talk to, and handsome kid suddenly became this angry, sullen, and pimply creature, who would not allow me into his room.
I was not sure what to expect from Dr. M. Bradley's lecture "Loving your teen without losing your mind".  This lecture was part of speaker series provided by Mountain View/Los Altos High Schools foundation. 
Dr. Bradley immediately put everybody at ease. He started by saying that "teens brains are under construction". When you remodel your bathroom and you enter it in the middle of the demolition process, what you see is not pretty. And that is what happening with teens brains. According to Dr. Bradley, "teenagers are not small adults, they are large children". Adolescence does not end until 23 years of age for girls and 25 - for boys. That's an average age when  frontal lobes, that are responsible for decision making and social behavior, fully develop.
Dr. Bradley talked about neurotransmitter instability - crazy blow outs, so well known to parents of most teens, followed by absolutely normal behavior 10 min later, while parent still trying to catch his/her breath. Doctor talked about teens impulsiveness and the fact that teens take our worry about them as criticism and disapproval.
Dr. Bradley also mentioned that marijuana, which is relatively harmless for people older then 22 years, is extremely psychologically addictive to teens.
One thing that struck me the most: parents tend to withdraw from their kids lives during teen years, it's an easier way to cope with their craziness. But this is the age, when kids need us more then ever. So, don't stop! Keep hugging, keep reaching, keep loving! Bribe them to go for coffee or a long ride, talk to them even if they don't want to talk back.

A few pointers from Dr. Bradley:

• Best time to talk with kids is late at night, never in the morning. Their biological clock are set differently.
• Stop fearing conflicts with your teen. But remember: don't rage, don't raise your voice. Try your best to remain calm, but firm. If you can't remain calm, leave the room, and later apologize. 
• When explaining your point of view, be concise: kids in general don't have enough attention span for lengthy speeches.
• Pick your fights. Develop a system, like in airport security, and don't spend too much energy fighting things of less importance (those in Yellow or even Orange):

        - Yellow: messy rooms

        - Orange: grades
        - Red: drugs, sex, violence

And remember like everything else in life teenager years will also pass. I want to finish with another quote from Dr. Bradley: "Don't raise an Ivy League student, raise a parent for your grandchildren".

For those who interested to learn more about Dr. Michael Bradley, here is the link to his site: http://docmikebradley.com/